careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
