Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize