I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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