I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
