She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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