u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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