okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
