4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The ass gains better be worth it
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