in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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