I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just pee around me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
