Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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