I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
