With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
