I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
