Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Randomize
