I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
