Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
