I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
