i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
