I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
