tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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