Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
