I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
