He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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