We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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