Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
