She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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