Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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