What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
