I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
