Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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