yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
