What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
