giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
