Do you still have your period?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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