Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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