when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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