I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
