Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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