I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
