He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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