The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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