Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
