the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
