I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
only you would photoshop your dick
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
