How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
