We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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