it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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