In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
