my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
