I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
