i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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