apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
