I want to walk on stilts...naked
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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