you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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