Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
